Marco not so long ago i lived my life in just the way you described ...and i don't know how I managed to endure that closed in world of shame guilt fear and a sense of hopelessness and confusion for so long ...I can now look back ..without regret but at the same time from a place of personal dignity and wholeness I never believed possible for me .....this ilness is progressive ..it will take everything you have if you let it and it always gets worse ....and now that you are aware that the there is a solution things will become even more painful....there is a solution!! ....get to an SLAA meeting ...there is a list of them on this site ......a life beyond your wildest dreams is available if you want it!

Joe