My sex addicted ex and I finished just before Xmas he had started to see someone else whilst we were still together and talking things through. He told me he didn't want a girlfriend! He had rejoined the site that we had met on and he is back on THE sex site also, I cant stop looking at his details, thinking about him and reading about his exploits. It is so devastating to read women talking about him at different dates through the three years we were together. I feel so stupid so used and worthless and am furious with him but more with myself. He did not allow me to vent my anger towards him or listen to my difficulties. I don't know what to do with my feelings...have been reading so much and have just finished 'The Betrayal Bond' by Patrick Carnes really superb. I suppose that if I just look at his details and not contact him then its ok. I don't look everyday I don't look for hours and I haven't tried to contact him since New Year. I suppose I am being hard on myself we were 'together' for nearly three years after all. I am now putting in boundaries to protect myself and had to decide in the moment what to do I could easily have got into a sexual situation that would have been inappropriate, in my old mode I would have said yes and have got myself into a situation that would have compromised my new outlook and could have meant that I could have been open to exploitation. I feel that I would like to be with someone but know that this is not the time...I am trying to exhibit good self care but I do still feel a little lonely! But not all the time, solitude is becoming quite pleasureable. Also I booked 9 days in St Lucia for myself for Easter hurrah! something special to look forward to....just for me.....because I am worth it, feel better now, thank you forum. Where has everyone gone seems like its just me! Hope everyone is continuing to focus on themselves and taking care! xxxx
fantasy and obsession
Hi I've just joined the forum. I am a love addict and I split up from my last partner 2 years ago and have been through the pain of withdrawal and become much stronger. I met my last partner via the internet too and during my early withdrawal would find myself looking for him online so I identify with your searching for your ex online Love4me. After a while I realised that it really hurt me when I did this and so avoiding it became one of my bottomline behaviours for abstinence. Even now when I feel lonely I still think about him at times, but I realise that when I do it's usually because I'm feeling sad or lonely and the obsessing is just another using behaviour. I have been exploring an attraction I have to someone else recently, but am realising that he wouldn't be healthy for me and after seeing him a few times keeping fairly good boundaries (no sex or kissing until I get to know him fairly well!) I'm noticing that the attraction I had is waning although I feel an emotional pull which I can only think is my addiction kicking in. I don't live near SLAA meetings and so this forum is great for support. I work the 12 steps in another fellowship and have been able to apply them around this addiction, but it is good to 'talk' with others who also have SLA for support. The main thing for me is to hand my will over to a higher power each day. Without my higher power I wouldn't have made it through the past 2 years as leaving my last relationship was the hardest thing I ever did after being in or actively seeking relationships my whole life since I was 14. I wish everyone on here strength in recovery.