one of the hardest days of my life

Have spent Christmas Day alone for the first time in 38 years. Have finally split up from my sex addict 'boyfriend' after nearly three years. I had reached my bottom line, after countless betrayals and broken promises I woke up from my delusions and denials and told him that we could on no longer without him entering therapy. He refused and blamed me for our problems. He has been increasingly distant since I started my own therapy and suspected he had met yet another lady. Of course my intuition was right. So alone of my own choice was invited out but thought that spending this time alone would really make me think about the issues I have and force  me to deal with them, rather than bury my head in the sand and eventually have to deal with this pain again. Have thought of him incessantly but have a new emotion, anger and it feels right and I dont feel guilty at all, wish I had felt like this before. Have been reading (Love, Infidelity and Sexual Addiction A Codependents perspective by Christine A. Adams; superb ) drinking, relaxing and crying in no particular order and it seems to be working, but wow it has been hard, but I didn't die and I thought without him I would, immediately. Happy Christmas to any other Gods and Goddesses facing a difficult time my love and virtual support goes out to all of you.   

Christmas alone!

Yeah ..i just spent my first Christmas alone (not in a relationship)for 15 or so years.  it has been painful ..for me it was the first time I had to spend Christmas without being a family with my wife (now ex wife as she has divorced me) and our two sons who I am very close to ...i had been able to accept that I could maybe manage without my wife but I find letting go of the idea of a family at christmas ..with so many happy memories of christmas  trees decorations and turkey ..this is really unbearable  and I am so sad that my kids no longer have a whole family unit  I'm very angry at my ex and believe her to be very ill with this disease ...but i was also very sick and horrendously avoidant...I have now been in SLA for over a year and working the HOW programme for 8 months with a sponsor I found it very hard to stop drinking completely until I found SLAA ..like AA where alcohol takes a back seat to sharing recovery SLAA is all about recovery and less about Sex and Love addiction (in my opinion) sodon't be put off by the name get to a meeting ....the fellowship is very strong.

 

Joe

  Thy Will not Mine be done.