Have spent Christmas Day alone for the first time in 38 years. Have finally split up from my sex addict 'boyfriend' after nearly three years. I had reached my bottom line, after countless betrayals and broken promises I woke up from my delusions and denials and told him that we could on no longer without him entering therapy. He refused and blamed me for our problems. He has been increasingly distant since I started my own therapy and suspected he had met yet another lady. Of course my intuition was right. So alone of my own choice was invited out but thought that spending this time alone would really make me think about the issues I have and force me to deal with them, rather than bury my head in the sand and eventually have to deal with this pain again. Have thought of him incessantly but have a new emotion, anger and it feels right and I dont feel guilty at all, wish I had felt like this before. Have been reading (Love, Infidelity and Sexual Addiction A Codependents perspective by Christine A. Adams; superb ) drinking, relaxing and crying in no particular order and it seems to be working, but wow it has been hard, but I didn't die and I thought without him I would, immediately. Happy Christmas to any other Gods and Goddesses facing a difficult time my love and virtual support goes out to all of you.
This Christmas was one of my
This Christmas was one of my most difficult too.
I recently lost a relationship down to my own destructive bahaviour - and as a result, I spent most of this Christmas alone and feeling sorry for myself, at one point sent "happy christmas" text to my ex, to which there was no response.
I miss my ex-girlfriend terribly, but know there is no going back. I know that all I can do now is work on my own behaviour to assure that I no longer repeat the patterns that led to our break up. Thing is, she too was at fault, I found out she had also been unfaithful to me, but the relationship had broken down so much that we might as well have not been together anyway.
It's a sad time for me. I'm in recovery in AA anyway, but it's taken me a hell of a long time to realise my powerlessness and destructiveness in the areas of sex and love. I'm sick of the way I systematically destroy things.
I've never been to an SLA meeting. I think it's time for me to seek you guys out.