Have spent Christmas Day alone for the first time in 38 years. Have finally split up from my sex addict 'boyfriend' after nearly three years. I had reached my bottom line, after countless betrayals and broken promises I woke up from my delusions and denials and told him that we could on no longer without him entering therapy. He refused and blamed me for our problems. He has been increasingly distant since I started my own therapy and suspected he had met yet another lady. Of course my intuition was right. So alone of my own choice was invited out but thought that spending this time alone would really make me think about the issues I have and force me to deal with them, rather than bury my head in the sand and eventually have to deal with this pain again. Have thought of him incessantly but have a new emotion, anger and it feels right and I dont feel guilty at all, wish I had felt like this before. Have been reading (Love, Infidelity and Sexual Addiction A Codependents perspective by Christine A. Adams; superb ) drinking, relaxing and crying in no particular order and it seems to be working, but wow it has been hard, but I didn't die and I thought without him I would, immediately. Happy Christmas to any other Gods and Goddesses facing a difficult time my love and virtual support goes out to all of you.
Hi Roseoil ..and love4me
Hi Roseoil ..and love4me ..Roseoil please don't be disheartened by my comments about meetings ...I was stressing the meetings aspect because this forum is really new and i was a little worried that it could be used as a substitute for meetings when there are loads of meetings available (In London) ..you have shared that you really want to get to a meeting and that is a really great strength... trust in your higher power ...and meetings and recovery will come to you if you work for them. Willingness is the key that opens the door to rcovery. If I am not willing to go to a meeting because I'm afraid to share or admit my addiction in front of others then I am unlikely to get well. Going to London to get a HOW sponsor was a very good move ..I have a contact in Edinburgh who may be interested in starting a meeting if that is any help ..otherwise ..keep working for recovery and you will succeed ..don't worry ..remember "it works if you work it. Keep well
Joe
Thy Will not Mine be done.