one of the hardest days of my life
Have spent Christmas Day alone for the first time in 38 years. Have finally split up from my sex addict 'boyfriend' after nearly three years. I had reached my bottom line, after countless betrayals and broken promises I woke up from my delusions and denials and told him that we could on no longer without him entering therapy. He refused and blamed me for our problems. He has been increasingly distant since I started my own therapy and suspected he had met yet another lady. Of course my intuition was right. So alone of my own choice was invited out but thought that spending this time alone would really make me think about the issues I have and force me to deal with them, rather than bury my head in the sand and eventually have to deal with this pain again. Have thought of him incessantly but have a new emotion, anger and it feels right and I dont feel guilty at all, wish I had felt like this before. Have been reading (Love, Infidelity and Sexual Addiction A Codependents perspective by Christine A. Adams; superb ) drinking, relaxing and crying in no particular order and it seems to be working, but wow it has been hard, but I didn't die and I thought without him I would, immediately. Happy Christmas to any other Gods and Goddesses facing a difficult time my love and virtual support goes out to all of you.
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Hello you are definitely not alone I think that the benefit off all the pain and drama of my last relationship has led me to a place of discovery. I kept on having dysfunctional unhappy relationships that kept on ending and I would be devastated. Each time I met someone new I would think this time it would be different I wouldn't mess it up , I would be better, more perfect, more irreplaceable so they wouldn't leave me. Sometimes I left them, mostly they left me, but they were all relationships that with hindsight I wonder what on earth was I thinking. The men were all carbon copies of each other , they just looked different! They were all the same and each time so was I..a recipe for disaster. However now I understand why things have always gone wrong and what I have done to contribute to the demise of these doomed from the start affairs, they were never going to work however hard I tried. Now I know what must be done and that feels refreshing, but so frightening. I have so much work to do, a mountain to climb, but day by day, little by little I am going to try and put as much effort into myself as I have to all my 'relationships.'
I must congratulate you on your self care regime, if you treat yourself like you're precious surely you will start to believe it. I will take a leaf out of your book have shut myself off from the world for nearly a week now, but am sure its better to stay in contact with friends and family. Please let me have the recipe for the sweet potato soup, it sounds delicious!