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London SLAA/SLAA HOW seems unfriendly...?
Does anyone else have this problem? SLAA members seem to find it difficult to be friendly in meetings and seem pretty 'cliquey' after the meeting. There is only so long you can hang around without feeling like a total idiot.
I am socially & sexually anorexic it seems, and whilst I have changed my life through another substance 12 step program, I find coming to SLAA the most challenging thing I have done to-date...
Compared to my 'other' fellowship - I find SLAA really un-friendly. I have been sitting in meetings for over 4 months now and have had some really weird experiences. Such as, members turning round to look at me in the kitchen and then carry on with their conversation without even returning my smile or acknowledging my presence.
I know I am in a lucky position being based in London but being socially anorexic and finding talking to people difficult, I feel like I am never going to get a sponsor and recover in this area.What are other people's experiences?
Hi All,I too was riddled
Hi All,I too was riddled with emotional and social anorexia when I first came into SLAA (19 months ago). I felt that people in the London groups were a bit cliquey and unfriendly, but as you do the work and start to get recovery, I realised that much of feeling like that was a projection of how I felt about myself. Truth is I didn't really want to speak to people. I tried just talking to the person next to me or people who had shared stuff that I could identify with, that breaks the ice a bit and makes people seem a little friendlier.Hope you get on alright with the programme. God bless x
I recently spent a couple of
I recently spent a couple of days in London purely to attend SLAA meetings as where I live there is only 1 meeting and it is very small although I am grateful for the meeting. I went to 3 different SLAA H.O.W meetings and found the majority of members very welcoming and friendly. I was anxious initially in attending the meetings as I was not a regular so I arrived early enough to introduce myself and talk to the other members. I am socially anorexic so the introducing myself and starting a conversation was very hard for me but I had friendly responses and this helped immensly to me progressing with my recovery. After 2 of the meetings I went for coffee with some of the members I had not met before and they were friendly and it was great to talk to other SLAA members and hear their journeys. The last meeting I attended I found as i was tired that my anorexia kicked in and found myself avoiding talking to people after and turned down the offer of coffee- this was because of my anorexia though and not the members of SLAA. I am very grateful to the people I met at the meetings and will try and come up to London once a month for meetings. I belive that most people in SLAA are with similar characteristics may feel that there are 'cliques' and some members may appear unfriendly but I feel that is all part of the addiction especially with the anorexia. I suggest that you keep going to the meetings and remember that the members are probably thinking similar thoughts as youreself, hope that soon you may feel more welcome as I have and wish you well, regards Prestons
I also found the london slaa
I also found the london slaa how meetings very cliquey. I ended up not bothering with meetings as a result, they just made me feel more isolated. It seemed that some people felt they owned SLAA and would decide who was worthy to be a part of it. In the end I realised I deserved better and just left. I'm actually happier now.
i would agree there are some
i would agree there are some people who are unfriendly but I do not think Slaa is unfriendly. Some meetings like the non-HOW Wednesday night Kings Rdmeeting are very friendly. However like you there are many people with anorectic aspectsto their personality. I think you should ask if others want to go for a coffee afterwards. London can be quite an unfriendly place at the best of times. It nearly drove me to distraction when I arrived from sociable Ireland. However I have got used to it. I wish you well. There are many people who are friendly sadly you dont appear to have met any. I do agree with you about cliques. People need to be aware how they impact on others especially newcomers.
I am also socially and
I am also socially and emotionally anorexic and have really struggled at the beginning in SLAA/ HOW. Some people still trigger me but just for today, I go to my meetings and socialise with the people who return my attention, I am just civil with the others and have gratitude for my HP who protects me from the people who blank, they are probably not good for me, so I stay safe when this type of people stay away from me. The one thing that has proved true for me is that there are also some amazing people in slaa how and I can decide to direct my attention to these ones as opposed to the self-defeating idea that I can get people who don't talk to me to notice me. Believe me, I've been where you are and know exactly what you mean, but what I'm saying is, just stay with the program and will make friends for yourself, I am pretty sure of that, God bless and keep coming back!
I had exactly the same
I had exactly the same experience almost 5 years ago and I know others who have experienced this also. In fact I think it is an important stage of recovery. It used to be difficult being at meetings - I ended up having to turn up exactly on time or slightly/ very late just so that I wouldn't have to talk to anybody, then leave exactly on time or slightly early so that again I wouldn't have to talk to anyone else. This went on for 6 months - in both How meetings and regular non-HOW meetings. However my need for recovery over-rode my need for somebody to talk to me or acknowledge me and I kept coming back and continue to come back weekly 5 years later. The importance of being smiled at or spoken to completely falls off the radar now - once the need for this goes, people then seem to flock to you.In fact it is difficult to get away without being spoken to. Keep your recovery the best way you can and if it really becomes unbearable, share about it at the meeting. Greeters are supposed to allay newcomers' feelings and fears - if this is not being done, the meeting itself is unwell and needs to be told. You may also find that the central London meetings that are very large may be too impersonal - they can be very very big and crowded and do not allow you time to share or get current. You might prefer smaller meetings further out of town.
I have been in SLAA HOW for
I have been in SLAA HOW for 18 months.I agree that the london meetings can appear unwelcoming sometimes as so many attend, however, I found after several months I become accepted.Try the hamstead fri night meeting - we go out for coffee afterwards so plenty of socialising on a friday evening.Also you could try one of the smaller meetings, they are always more friendly IMHO. I have always been made welcome at toddington and woburn sands meetings. Best wishesProf