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obsession
I am really struggling with obsessive thoughts that I can't share with anyone. I am withdrawing at the moment, it has been about a month. I keep trying to remember why I can't be with my ex and really understanding how unhealthy he is for me but then I will get thoughts remembering sexual moments between us and get thrown back into the wanting again. How do you control this? I also have thoughts which I can only describe as messed up and strange. For example I find it hard to get through the day without looking at attractive girls and thinking I bet my ex would fancy her and want to sleep with her. It's consuming, it's tiring and it's uncomfortable for me. Because I am attracted to both men and women much of my sexual life with my ex was about us discussing other girls and fantasing together. I can only describe this as pure escapism. I just want to know that one day I can be drawn to a healthy relationship rather than one full of sexual adventure. I feel like I was so attracted to him because of his darkness which I found so attractive and I found hooked me in. I know I'm getting there, slowly recognizing my thought patterns but I worried that I will come so far and then fail. I am also aware that although I can stop acting out, I can't stop the obsession, I can't stop having another person and sex as the centre of my universe. I feel like I have no life without it, that I am just lonely. And intimacy is the only high I have in life. Any advice welcome. Thanks x
Deseratetoletgo...I just
Deseratetoletgo...I just want to add that I understand intimacy as being your only high and I just want to say that I believe once we begin to recover, that high that you and i get from intimacy will be replaced by a much more enduring and deeper feeling of self worth...and then when we are no longer in this pain we won't need a high, or a fix because we will be at peace. You are in my thoughts, keep being strong.
Hi, I'm new to this site so
Hi, I'm new to this site so not really sure how to use it yet, bear with me! I started looking on here months ago, I've known deep down for a long long time that I am a love and sex addict. I have always been very obsessive, since childhood. I have decided to really try very hard now to start and try and recover from my addiction after another failed dalliance with a guy I met on a dating website has once again ended in tears. I truly understand the prison of obsession and the way it can destroy and dictate your life. I guess I am ready to try and understand why I become obsessed with guys so easily, when I barely know them, and I'm so unbelievably sick of waiting 'to be rescued.' I am feeling very very low tonight, I went out with the guy I was dating last night and he ended things, despite this I still went back to his and slept with him, a way of trying regaining power I guess and 'fix' the pain that I find so hard to sit with. My feelings are so bad right now that I feel like I'm in physical pain. My heart hurts and it's been hurting fo so long. Relationships, sex, men are my drug, my fixer and I'm very scared about the withdrawal process, i want to find that glimmer of hope and find the strength inside me to get through this. I can't go on like this any longer.
As a gay identified bi man I
As a gay identified bi man I can identify with quite a bit of what you say. I am goingthrough withdrawal, slowly,somedays I just want to get back out there and act outbut thankfully haven't. Do you attend slaa meetings? If not you should try, if there is nonein your home area then advertise on here and try to start one. I am finding it difficult to decidewhat is healthy sexual fantasy which everyone indulges in at sometimes and unhealthy obsession. Really though I can see from your post that you seem to be giving yourself a really hard time. Your ex-partner is just that your ex and if there is no hope of a healthy relationship with him then really all you can do is accept that your life will be without him, ask for help in slaa, and ask your Higher Power if you believe in one to give you the strength a day at a time to deal with the pain. Your comment about his darkness, hooking in you in seemed so apt. I believe that things that are bad for me often come in the most attractive packages. Your not alone. Unfortunately slaa still doesnt have a great deal of literature like other fellowships such as al-anon etc. Therefore the meetings are the main way we get to support one another. Just remember all the positive stuff your doing, No acting out and reaching out for help seems pretty healthy behaviour in my opinion. Your in my thoughts today.
Thanks so much for
Thanks so much for identifying with me and making me feel less alone. I am away from my home town for a few weeks and no meeting where I am, but next week I'm going to start going to meetings again, I really need to. I find darkness and anger attractive, great! But least I realize that this is the case. I am glad you have that awareness too in regard to 'things that are bad for me come in the most attractive packages. Thanks so much for you words and advice. I am going to keep with this path as painful as it is and as much as the dark path looks exciting I know I will come out emotionally battered if I go down it. Sending you peace.