I have just ended an 11yr relationship with my partner.  My storey starts around 7 years ago when I found a mobile bill for £120. I couldn’t understand why it was such a big bill and didn’t recognise the numbers  (09...). Given that money was tight I was shocked and confused and thought it must be a mistake.  I decided to call one of the numbers and found they were sex chat lines....You could have knocked me down with a feather! I confronted him about his bill, he tried to assure me they were all work numbers....having phoned them I knew different and told him so. He continued to deny he had ever phoned these numbers but couldn’t give an explanation why his bill was so big. I hadn’t met this side of him before but it was clear he was lying and when he did own up, tried to make out it was just a laugh. (very expensive laugh in my book).  Not knowing anything about sex addiction I honestly didn’t know what to make of it. This was repeated some weeks, months later when the house phone  bill arrived ....£300 +, again more lies and later a reluctant acknowledgement and assurances that it would never happen again.  All this started to transform relationship; I swung from police woman to mother but rarely lover, at some point I woke up and realised he had a very serious problem and so did I. I began to find him pathetic, weak, self indulgent, childish but I always ended up feeling sorry and responsible for him.  His addiction seemed to escalate over the years or maybe not, maybe it was always worse than I thought! He admitted that in his previous relationship (marriage)he used chatlines and occasionally prostitutes because his wife did not want sex. A couple of years ago after a blazing row, followed by a heart to heart he admitted visiting a swing club (twice) going out in the car to a place for anonymous sex (twice but no one was around) I was devastated, I don’t know what I thought a sex addict should look like but he just didn’t seem the type. I thought and still think he had a normal sexual appetite within our relationship. I researched and learned about sexual addiction. I asked him to get help and find a counsellor, he agreed but it didn’t work, we even found a SAA meeting that he attended  but when we moved couldn’t find another one. On reflection I suppose he went for me rather than himself. Over the last couple of years he has hammered the internet for porn and texts people under a pseudo name, registered with a local company who put people looking for casual sex in touch (says he never actually contacted or met anyone) and more recently signed up as a male escort because he was desperate for money (says he never actually pursued it) I’ve reached the point where I just can’t take anymore, I haven’t been able to trust him for years and can’t stand his constant lies(the lies are the worst, part of it ) or his lack of responsibility for his 2 gorgeous children and I.  We have spent so much money he, on sex ,and me, financially rescuing him. I still don’t understand why he has been unable to get a handle on this. I reached the stage where I became more cross and angry at myself for continuing to put up with the situation than I was with him, for doing what he did. I asked him to leave a couple of weeks ago ... it is such a shame, beneath the addiction he is a kind, gentle and loving man and our life could have been so very different and if I could have stopped his addiction for him I would have, but I can’t.  He is so unhappy and says he doesn’t know why he does it and I just don’t know what to think !!