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sexually addicted to your boss
HiAnyone out there in a destructive relationship with their boss. My relationship approaches it's first year and it looks scary. If I can manage another year I reckon I'll self-destruct.Aug 08 relationships beginsOct 08 sex in a hotel - amazingoct - to date - sex at work in empty rooms, offices, classroomsfeb 09 - her husband finds out, I tell my wife, relationship continuesmar 09 - relationship continues, I leave my wife and kidsjune 09 - I discover a letter from her ex lover which reveals a 12 year relationship with someone else at workto date, because I have a compulsion and uncontrollable desire for this person, I continue to see her. The sex seems better and more intense. I don't trust her, but I want her. I don't respect her but I think I might love her. I obsess about her previous relationship. I am having counselling and hypnotherapy, but to little avail so far. Anyone in a similar situation??Tricky business this sex addiction. Good to know this community exists. I don't feel so alone now.
alimary Hi there I totally
alimary Hi there I totally sympathise with your plight. It's coming up to two years that I have been having a relationship with a married man at work. Granted he's not my boss, but like you, we have had risky sex at work, in his house while his wife was out. Anywhere that gets the most excitement. In the beginning I thought he loved me and would give him ultimatums to leave his wife for me and I finished it several times only to miss him so intensely I had to go back. It got so bad I could'nt think for obessing about him, constant obsessing, that is the scarey and destructive part of these relationships. I was so desperate to get away from him that I got involved with one of his co-workers but that seemed to excite him more and the thrill of the chase. It's so hard because when I back away he coes running and when he backs away I go running. Is it the same for you?As you say the sex is more intense and more exciting each time but so is the pain and self loating. I have found that the more connections I build up with other people in SLAA and the more literature I read, the less compelled I am to meet up with this man. However this changes on a daily basis and the fact is these relationships are all consuming and take us away from ourselves which is what we crave and need to avoid ourselves. This relationship did and does sometimes take up my mind 24/7. However this is changing very slowley. Change does happen slowley and have faith.But you've admitted that you have a problem and that is the hardest step which you have taken. I'm very new into SLAA but know that it is the best thing I have ever done! Keep going to meetings and talking because honesty and acceptance are the key factors to recoverey. I think it's going to be a hard journey but very rewarding even life saving.
Hi, indeed this addiction is
Hi, indeed this addiction is a tricky business and I have to say that I identify with your situation completely. I am not in that place now but spent two years in a relationship with my boss and at the time was totally addicted, not so much to him but to the thrill that the affair gave me. Much like you we began our relationship with sex in a hotel and it progressed to regular encounters in the office, at first when it was empty and then when it was full of people including his wife (who was my co-boss) in any empty room that we could find. I knew from the start that it was entirely destructive, I was in a long term relationship and was using him to escape the unhappiness of life with my partner and I think he was doing much the same thing. The sheer addictive thrill of the secrecy and the power that this gave me was like a drug for me primarily as it took me away from reality and made me feel alive. For me too the sex was alive and intense but that was because it was illicit and forbidden, he made me feel fantastic as he had chosen me, he was powerful and charismatic and I too believed I was in love with him although I know now that what we were doing had nothing to do with love and everything to do with my addiction. In the same way as you obsess about her previous relationship I used to obsess about his relationship with his wife, taking pleasure when they argued or when he made nasty comments about her, when they seemed happy together I was distraught. He also told me that they didn't sleep together (and I believed him!) however this illusion was shattered when she got pregnant during the course of our affair. At the time I had no clue about sla but now I see this affair as what it was, for him it was the ego boost of being with a girl 20 years younger than him, infact he once said to me "I can't believe I'm sleeping with a 6 foot young blonde" but for me it was an escape from reality, a desperate attempt to find love through sex and most importantly the addictive high of something secret, intense and forbidden that made me feel alive in a way nothing else could. You are way ahead of the point that I was at in that you have recognised an addiction and I hope that you can move on with the help of the sla fellowship. For me this affair was one of many with married men and did result in me losing my job when my boss became afraid that I might tell his wife. In the end it brought me nothing but pain, afterall when we are that high on addiction there is only one place to go and that is down. Try out some sla meetings and if you really feel you want to make a change start working the programme, its early days for me but its given me hope that I can break free of the destructive patterns of my life and find something genuine. i wish you well, I know where you are and its a pretty scary place when the addiction has you in a stranglehold but if you are able to see this incidence as part of a pattern of behaviour that can be changed you have made a great move in the right direction. My thoughts are with you.