Our RSS feed
new here and desperate to change
i'm hoping just writing this will help me. i am certain i have a sex addiction. Its strange cos i know i have it, but i cant control it. I've been obsessed with sex since a very young age. i was very shy at school, bullied in my teens, pressured by my parents to 'do well' which i constantly felt i failed to do... my self esteem was very low, fear of failure and rejection etc. sex came onto my radar in my early teens - it became an ambition to sleep with a prostitute, then i discovered masturbation. It was like a switch had been flicked. Since then i've spent nearly 20 years and thousands of pounds. Porn, strip clubs, dozens of prostitutes, hours on the internet, meeting total strangers, gay sex,multiple online affairs, exhibitionism, chatlines you name it. Its all consuming - every time i say it's the last but it never is. I dont understand why. I believe i an genuinely happily married and i have children. my wife and i dont have a lot of sex, but when we do it is warm and fantastic. Makes me hate the cold emotionless side of me even more. i find with a family i have less chance to act out, i think the term is. This is even worse than before because i find myself knowing i will have a free weekend or few days opportunity in advance and when it arrives i just cant control myself. I dont want to be like this anymore. my best friend knows some of this but she doesn't know it all. Hell i talked her into bed 5 years ago just because i could and then couldn't go thru with it. I cant bring myself to tell her everything... i would really appreciate some advice from anyone on here in is in a similar position.. thanks for reading this
The Joker i feel for you
The Joker i feel for you inasmuch i've totally been there, though i was never bullied (with any success) at school. i think my own restlessness fails to be appeased in no small part because i so seldom fall in love. perhaps if you found 'the one' a lot of your listlessness would be assuaged. talking of obsession, if you wanted a voice/experience you could relate to, take a read of the novels Sisi and Sonia or Taming the Beast or 3 (all on a amazon). novels sometimes give meaning to what we experience daily as incoherence.
I am fairly new to slaa as
I am fairly new to slaa as well. However I do know that since I have stopped acting out I feel so much better about myself. I like the fact that no one tells you what your bottom line behaviour should be. However I certainly knew what I wasnt happy about and therefore was glad to give up the more outlandish aspects of my behaviour. Basically I have not had sex with other people, I havent watched internet or other porn and don't use recreational sex drugs to have sex with my partner. So while I can't say I am working the programme properly yet I do know that even my basic change of behaviour has had a wonderful effect on me. I feel more "clean" and I do feel better about myself in so many ways. I am actually beginning to feel that I have some self esteem. My partner says that he sees a change in me and I certainly feel our relationship is on the right track again. I want to be with him and my behaviour always meant that I wasn't really there for him. So don't get discouraged, it is only a one day at a time programme. It is very much a question of progress not perfection. I am not sure if there is a meeting in your town. If not try other local towns and if there isnt a meeting maybe you could start one. In the meantime you can go to other twelve step fellowships that deal with codependancy etc. There are many so there should be one near you. Do not give up.