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In Absolute pain and feeling suicidal
I'm really in pain, just had a 3 month relationship that I thought was what I had been looking for all my life. It's been the happiest time of my life. I still love her but we have made each other our higher powers, so she says. I did not see it and was really happy. But there is so much truth in her words I can't deny it. We are both in recovery from drug addiction and met in the rooms and church. The church have had a hand in breaking us up and she has gone back to church. The thing is though, I believe I am a spirtual being having a human experience and can therefore love as a human being as well as a spiritual being. On a human level I see that she is all I have ever wanted in a partner. I have done all the right things, we have agreed no contact whatsoever for at least 3 months and i have deleted her numbers from my phone, I know she will stick to the boundaries as well. I have that awfull codependent fear of how she will be feeling. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and its not even 24 hours yet. I have been in the foetal position wailing like a wounded animal. I really opened my heart up to her, it's the first time I ever let anyone in. I had an emotional wakening as a result. This pain is unbearable and I need help. I don't know if I can get through it. If I do, I don't know if I will ever be able to love again. God I need help.
hi i completly relate to
hi i completly relate to how you feel, its a horrible and painful illusion , love addiction.. it really is.. ive been going through withdrawl for the last 8 months on and off, and the first 6 were very painful and confusing, now the fog is starting to clear, i now feel sick about it and embarrassed, but im still grieving at times.. but on the positive. my god .. im like 80% healthier since coming to slaa.. im dealing with the stuff from childhood that contributed to the madness of sex and love addiction.. its not easy and i really recomend daily meditation, it really keeps me more in balance.. i hope it works out for you , and that you find a safe space and place in slarr, i was suicidle and nearly relapsed on drugs , and id been clean for 2 years. ive never known anything like it (love addiction) and i dint even really want to be with him.. i was just sick...really really unwell .. and now im getting better one day at a time..it works if you work it , i can promise you that..find faith ...its the only way i reckon..take care x
Hii hope you are feeling
Hii hope you are feeling better-i know these feelings all too well-my higher power helped me and continues to be my strength and guide. You mentioned church so may i sugest as an idea to ask someone (who knows what they are doing ie vicar, pastorate leader) there to pray for you, if your church is unable to offer you prayer then who is? Also privately pray and trust your higher power and believe things will get better.For a while my own advice fell on deaf ears (i wasn't a church goer) and wasn't even sure there was a higher power but now i know there is-i guess it is why we call it having faith. Its not easy but it does get easier- theres a book called Tough times never last but tough people do- i love that titleI hope this helps, you are not alone thats why there are groups like SLAA
So sorry to hear your
So sorry to hear your pain. I am in a lot of pain too. My partner recently finished with me and I feel devestated and sad and so rejected. The way he finished with me feels so cruel. It is helping me by going to SLAA meetings and calling people up outside of meetings. I have been regularly sobbing. I want to call him and call round to his house but thank God I havent because I know it would add to the rejection and pain that I am feeling already. I have to admit though that I looked at his facebook stuff again today. This I know will prelong the pain. I just want to stop being so obsessed with him. This part is horrible. I am eating a lot better though....initially I could hardly eat because of the shock. I too am worried about being able to love again. I make up that I will not be good enough for anyone. I know that keeping it in the day will help. I hope u r feeling a bit better. want to be well