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Masturbation
I feel a bit awkward asking about this but it's something I've been wondering about.As I am avoiding all situations where I can put myself in a stupid position, and also have deleted all my adult profiles to stop myself going there, I am then left with self pleasure. Now I'm not constantly 'at it' but I've always felt I've done it more than most people usually would. So that leaves me wondering if that too is part of the problem, I don't feel in the slightest bit guilty doing it, that's not my problem, I'm just wondering if the reason I do it is? I don't know if anyone's read Russell Brand's 'My Booky Wook'? His behaviour was remarkably like my own, and when he went into rehab, he wasn't even allowed to masturbate as part of his recovery!Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking if I need permission, because I think masturbating is healthy and come on, everyone does it, so should we abstain from that AS WELL, or cut down a little or what? Part of me thinks no way, it's the only pleasure I have left and there's no harm, but having read that if you use it not for pleasure but to control the way you feel such as doing it when you're bored, upset, angry, can't sleep etc, then you shouldn't.I'd be grateful for your thoughts on this!
My views on this are I think
My views on this are I think quite opposite to Paul, well I wouldnt say opposite, but I would say its about understanding the appropriateness (Ive had a glass or two of wine so exxcuse the poor spelling) of the activity. A real reason I am on here is otherwise I know I would be on sites that leads me down a road I have no wish to go down anymore so I guess for me I know Iwould of been on other sites and no doubt masturbing alot this evening. Blunt there but Im being totally honest with myself. I guess as well its the appropriateness on a number of diferent levels.
Firstly I am pretty new to
Firstly I am pretty new to SLAA and have not yet fully started withdrawal, and what I say is just my opinion. Others further down the line may have different ideas. What I say may only apply to me and not to you. Having said that here's what I think. In my case masturbation plays quite a role as my sexual acting out is very intermittent for various reasons. Therefore I masturbate frequently, 2 or more times a day, or at least did. Since I been involved with SLAA (about 4 weeks now) I have to come to realise that masturbation takes up time, energy and emotions. This may not sound like much but all of these can be important. Firstly, time. Masturbation can be surprisingly long. Not only is there the actual time, but also any setting up, getting to a private place, anticipating or fantasizing. Any kind of fantasizing or working up can add to the time, such as reading a story or looking at pictures. It might be that you're just talking about 10 minutes before you go to sleep or it might not. It might be taking up more time than you think. Secondly, energy. Masturbation takes about as much energy as sex and who wants to do the dishes or any chore or read the SLAA book after sex? It could be distracting you from doing other important things.Thirdly, emotions. Even if you say you have time and energy to spare the emotions come into play.For my part the urge seems to occur quite often when there's any kind of stress around. It seems that the emotions put into masturbation are diverted from emotions I might have to deal with, so it serves as an emotional distraction rather than dealing with feelings that are coming up as I move towards withdrawal. For me, I only found out by not doing it for several days and since I had hardly ever done that before and certainly not whilst looking what SLAA is making me consider.Previously I had thought it a harmless pastime that did no harm but now I realise this can be a major distraction from dealing with all sorts of things from chores to hobbies and dealing with emotions from myself and also dealing with other people. Well, that's my thoughts. It may depend on exactly what you're doing and how much, but my suggestion is to consider how much it's affecting you. It may be more than you think. Raymond (Berkshire)
Hi Raymond, thanks for
Hi Raymond, thanks for replying. I don't feel with me that it's a problem, sometimes I won't even do it for days and then it's several times. I think it only becomes a problem like you say, if it extends to other areas of your life, interrupting it. For me it's a kind of release, but at the same time it's not always used for a sexual one, many emotions can be it's cause, and at the moment I see no problem as it's not harming me or my life. I just wondered about different people's opinions on it and thanks for sharing yours. Good luck with everything :)
I am undecided about what
I am undecided about what role masturbation plays in my life. Certainly being brought up Catholic where it is a serious sin I have lots of shame, guilt and fear around it. I am not sure whether I am going to put it onto my bottom line behaviours that I wish to stop. I think that for me I don't need to reinforce the negativity I already have about myself, my body and my sexuality. While I am recognising that there are good reasons to question why and how I use masturbation to "self-medicate". I think I also need to be wary of "taliban" type thinking within slaa that seems to want to quash all sexual expression outside committed monogamous relationships. Their views are not neccesarily good for me. I am in a relationship and I suppose the only reason why I dont want to masturbate is because I want to be fully there for my partner when we choose to have sex. If as in the past I masturbate frequently my sexual desire is lessened and this means my partner isn't really getting the whole me in the sex and love process in our relationship. I have no clear answers to the question but I think that I am going to try not to masturbate one day at a time. and see how things develop. I have only done so twice since I came to slaa. If I feel the desire to masturbate and if I can honestly say that i am not using it to block, self-medicate or to deny my feelings then I might proceed or I might not depending on my motivations. In the Irish language the old word for masturbation literally means "hand friendship". If my masturbation is indeed "hand friendship" then I do not think it is a bad thing for me. Howeve as I said if it is to not feel then I think it might be negative for me.