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Hey, I've juggled for ages thinking I might have some sort of sexual addiction/anorexia problem. But I read up on it and most of the symptoms did not match- except constant watching and thinking of porn and masturbation. I know realise that I am probably a porn addict and have a compulsive masturbation problem- but it still did not explain a lot of other things until I came to this site. I never heard of sexual anorexia before- always put it down to being a complete social recluse, i am absolutely terrified of being in a situation where 'all eye would be on me'- thus I hate social functions. I am now at Uni- and despite a lot of knowing my excessive porn watching and masturbation is actually unsurprisingly getting in the way- I was sexually molested when I was younger and in my own way I guess this is my way of coping. I am absolutely rubbish with guys and I have always shyed away- or been extremely flirtatious- I 've been to a girl only school so far- and hence I did not notice this until now- that I have done so previously with both men and women as well in the few mixed social interaction that I have had. Whilst reading this, I realised that a lot of the symptoms of love addicts seem to match Borderline Personality Disorder-except for the self-harm, and suicidal thoughts I guess? Did anyone else notice this?I don't know where I am currently I have been trying to get a diagnosis for Attention Deficit Disorder for about a year now but I don't know anymore if that's what I have- even though I've read research has shown that there is a very high incidence of people with ADD/ADHD having porn addiction as well. I am rambling as usual- I was wondering how to apply the 12 step program- and also if there was a particular program approach to anorexia . ThanksDarkangel001
im new here and im wondering
im new here and im wondering if im having the same problem.. im 24 old guy living alone in london. i dont go clubbin so dont find a chance of meeting girls .. am i having a problem or is it normal?thanks<(EDITED: PLEASE NEVER GIVE OUT PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESSES OR TELEPHONE NUMBERS - THEY WILL BE DELETED. THE PURPOSE OF THIS WEBSITE IS TO DIRECT PEOPLE WHO NEED HELP TO MEETINGS WHERE THEY CAN FIND PEOPLE TO HELP THEM)
I'm new here too. I go to
I'm new here too. I go to meetings in Birmingham. I have done the inventory and yes I was molested twice in my younger years. Once by my older brother and once by my step dad. However, I did not link these factors to my obessession with porn. I am still wondering if I am over playing these factors or not, because I see my brother every day and we have a manageable relationship. Even though sometimes I think that he goes out of his way to be nice. At the same time I would not miss him being around so often, because I live with my mother. Or is that just me being paranoid.I forgot about these factors for a number of years. My sexuality is screwed up, as I went through periods thinking that I was gay. However, I have reached the age of 31, to realise that I'm not. Because I am totally obsessed with the female body. My porn addiction interrupted my studies at university, and I could have done so much better. At the same time I also had to deal with a lot of violence in the houses that I grew up in. My older brother used to fight with my mom that's why I was sent aboard to live with my grandparents. Before I live with them I lived with my aunt and her husband would beat her regularly. In addition to that, I had to deal with a lot of bullying in my life. Whether it was older brother at home, my cousins making snider remarks, bullying at school. This later transpired to me being bullied at the workplace and at university too. To be honest I think the fact that I did not have my parents with me for those important years of my life during the age 6 to 16 may have had an effect on me. I can remember developing a fantasy world from a young age, because I was the only child with my grandparents. They tried their best to raise me, but at the same time they did not discuss sex with me. I learned about sex through friends and getting porn videos at the age of 11. It was from that age I started to become intrigued and totally gripped with sex. I can also remember having sex with a young girl at the age of 5 or 6 when I lived my mother. I'm sure she was older than me, she was the first girl who introduced me to sex. To be honest the fact that I'm only addicted to sex is a miracle. However, I started going to SLAA meetings just after my 31st birthday in November 2009. I slipped a few weeks but I stopped masturbating on the 13th December but it is tough. I stopped looking at hardcore porn shortly after. But I slipped a few times after that by looking at softecore images but I have stopped doing that now. I have remained hardcore porn free for sometime now. Everyday is hard due to the withdrawal symptoms, like the headaches and being lethargic. I know that with God I can get some questions answered. I have discovered that i lived most of my life in fear and intimidation. It has not been a life filled with peaches and cream all the times. Violence and molestation have caused me to feel inadequate, whenever I am in social situations and amongst women, I act like a fool or ask provocative sexual questions. I am rabbling on now. However, I still love life and I know that deep down I have some much to achieve here's to conquering my sex and love addiction and persuing my dreams in 2010. Good Luck you can do it!
I am new to SLAA too,I was
I am new to SLAA too,I was depresed/ suicidal all through my younger life. About a year ago my Higher power called -this changed me forever- now i'm looking to SLAA for the fine tuning the work i have been able to do through the resources available through my church. So key to the 12 step program is your higher power, I see SLAA as a potential support network when things get tough when you 'deal with' childhood traumers. My higher power has taken away all the 'wanting to die/self harm stuff' I have a lot of work still to dok
Interested in what you said
Interested in what you said about the suicide/self harm. I self harmed through my sexual acting out. I was sexually abused when I was a very young child and my self esteem has been practically nil all my life. I have been a member of another 12 step programme for quite a long time but feel that SLAA is needed to deal with the issues. I am not sure whether I am a sex addict or a sex and love or indeed whether I am a love and emotional addict. In some ways the sex wasn't the issue. I always wanted and needed the contact as a validation that I was desirable. The sex I am coming to see was just a way I got the fix I wanted and that was my problem. I have codependent issues so maybe I will also go to a codependent fellowship. I may also try out a fellowship for survivors of incest/sexual abuse. The good thing about recovery is that it is as personal to the individual as our addictions or sickness. It took us a lot of time to get sick and it will take me a lifetime to get better. With the help of the Higher Power who I choose to call God I know I will get through.
I agree that self-harm is
I agree that self-harm is not limited to the obvious cutting/oversdosing/suicide attempts. I tend to neglect myself, which is why I've found the posts on top-lines really interesting (I do have my own top lines, but I always find it useful to see how others approach recovery). I also self-harmed by proxy (getting hurt by others) and put myself in dangerous situations. Any addiction could be argued to be a form of self-harm as it always involves behaviour that carries harmful consequences (? part of the definition of addiction). Personality disorder is another way of saying there is a deep-seated problem which has started in childhood. Many of us grew in dysfunctional families, so it would not be surprising that addicts might also be affected by PD. PD is difficult to treat, but it is something that is a developiong area in health care. We still have a way to go in the UK, but there are people who are becoming aware of our problems. I think anorexia is an area where we are pioneers, I guess. The best we can do is recover and share our ESH.
I originally came into
I originally came into meetings via NA and AA and once I had done a step 1 around the drugs and alchohol my sex addiction became very apparent. I had a diagnosis for adhd a couple of years into my recovery. Although I now have my doubts amd think I may have just been looking for the security of having a label. plus the ritalin which I was given a lifelong supply of. It took me years of manipulation and trips to londons adult adhd unit to get the diagnosis. Its quite shameful now the lenths I went to. The symptoms of adhd and addiction are very similar. I was diagnosed the combined type so I was either really spaced out and innattentive or hyperfocussed. Basically when I was obbsessing about something in my head I was spacey. and when I got a new hobby/man or new obbsession that was fixing me I would be hyperfocused. I dont know if there really is any difference really. The adult aghd team said that many people who are diagnosed with adhd have various addiction problems. I think bottom line is that I am an addict and that manifests itself in many ways. I think the symproms of being an addict are that I spend so much time fantasising about stuff that my life generaly becomes very unmanageable. My children comment on how I am never in the present moment. Always obssessing about stuff that I am basically powerless over.I havent been to an SLAA meeting yet but hope to get to one soon as it is a real problem at the moment.
Hi, you don't say where in
Hi, you don't say where in the country you are, but if you can face it you should contact a meeting, maybe see if you can get someone to take you to your first meeting. As for the 12 steps, you really need a sponsor to guide you through them as they don't make a lot of sense when you are new. If there isn't an SLAA meeting near you check out other related fellowships which might be able to help with the porn side of things. I used to compulsively masturbate and watch porn whenever i could, it really got in the way of my studies too but i made it through. Life is so much better now, i've not looked at porn for over 18 months. There is a solution out there, but you will probably need to get a sponsor and get to meetings. You really need to put this at the top of your priorities at least until you get a grip on things, otherwise it can make you very very unhappy. You could also try calling the helpline and asking them to find a female member to call you back. I know of a couple of women in devon who i'm sure would be happy to talk to you. See details of the exeter and plymouth meetings. Good luck with it, Peter