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Im new to this??
13 January 2008 - 7:30pm — marco198198
Well im 45 male and im a sex addict.
It started about 10 years ago after the birth of our second son......... What do i do? am i the only one who thinks like this and how do i stop. i spend hours on porn websites and downloading films, how productive could i be in my marriage or in work if i could stop.
Marco
New to this
I have just signed up to the site through despeartion as there are no meetings near to me. I can't believe how addiction can take hold of you, I have always tried really hard at work and to love my family. But my compulsions are taking over me, my thoughts, my actions, my mind, my body, my work, my family. I would like to think I am ready for the twelve steps but if anyone has ideas or coping strategies I'd be most grateful.
Thanks
Alexis
Doing the impossible
I have found for myself that the best coping strategy to overcome (not to be cured of) addiction in sex & love is to be honest with myself & others, to be openminded enough to listen to people who have been there before me, and to be willing to change my life for the better.
It sounds simple but it works.
Start by doing what is necessary,
Then do what is possible,
Suddenly you find you are doing the impossible.
online meetings
Hi Alexis,
I've been around slaa for about one and a half years now and started working the steps, diligently with a sponsor, six months ago. This is a tough addiction to come to terms with. I go to a meeting every two weeks that's the most I can do because of work commitments so I do online meetings as well. I've found these really helpful, somewhere to go especially when my obsessions are driving me crazy. I've been able to express how I feel and what I'm going through there and I've had some good feedback from the members. Here's the web address: http://www.slaaonline.org/index.htm
I really relate when you talk about being taken over by this addiction and how it affects every aspect of your life. Also the pain, anguish and devastation it causes to those we live with. It's so important for us to be in contact with other recovering addicts, to share experience, strength and hope. I for one couldn't recover alone and wouldn't want to. Hope to see you online soon.
Caprice.
Meetings?
What goes on at these meetings and are there any local to the Midlands area
Meetings in the Midlands
I don't really know what the meetings are like as I have never been to one. Although I have friends who attend A.A and N.A meetings and they find them really helpful. The website suggests that there is an slaa meeting in Wolverhampton, hope this helps
SLAA meetings are
SLAA meetings are normally friendly and supportive affairs ..they have just a few sex and love addicts getting together to overcome their difficulties ..you do not have to say anything to anyone ..except a polite hello maybe ..then its best just to listen to the others at first ...they will normally talk only about their own addictive behaviour around sex and love ....it may not seem like much but these meetings normally very helpful to get things in perspective. I suggest you get to one and try it out! you have little or nothing to lose and a great deal to gain.
good Luck
Joe
joe
compulsion
Unfortunately there was no light at the end of the tunnel because my partner could not and would not admit that he had a problem. He would not commit to a sustained program o treatment and that was my bottom line. He had to stop acting out and stop being fraudulent, he couldn't. I am very sorry that he didn't think enough of our relationship to get help, but I did what I could and eventually felt that I had to save myself as it were.
I don't think you should worry about what anyone else thinks, support groups are non judgemental as everyone is in the same difficult position. Don't let that fear prevent you from getting the help you seek.
Again I would say take a sustained approach to getting healthy. Don't put off doing what you need to do. What have you got to lose...you have everything to gain. Dint risk losing the love and support of your wife. It sounds as if she may need help too, it is available for her.
Hello Marco
I am not a sex addict but I was in a long term relationship with one. Firstly I would like to congratulate you for being strong enough to admit you have a problem and secondly seeking out help for yourself. You are definitely not alone, you are not the only one in this predicament. There are lots of ways to help yourself
1. Join a support group
2. Purchase some books, Patrick Carnes is a prolific writer on this subject and Amazon have an extensive range.
3. Seek help from a professional, if you are acting out in public then you are putting yourself at risk of arrest or attack, not to mention infringing the rights of the women you are watching. There is a wonderful practise in Marylebone Lane, W1.
4. Use this site and others for support. I found a site a couple of weeks ago with online free support called Recovery Nation, it is fabulous.
5. Please don't hurt yourself. Think of all you would leave behind and how everyone would feel. You can get well!
Wishing you all the very best Marco xxx
Thanks
I dont think i could discuss this in a group i would be too embarassed to do so. Admitting that you masturbate to me is like being less a man than others.
I heard a radio programme on sex addiction and realised it was me they were talking about.
I was hoping to feed of others in the same situation and learn of their experiences and how they overcome their situation.
I have not sort professional help from my doctor he is male and im not sure i could approach him and he may pass me onto another professional.
At the moment im not doing anything public and dont worry i no danger to women. I am worse when im depressed or under work pressure.
Again im not going to kill myself i was describing the situation when it was at its worse.
Ive thought that the easiest way out was to visit a professional girl but i have a strong belief that this is so degrading for the woman i could not do this and it also contributes to their demise be it through drugs or a violent pimp.
You must have been in my wifes position they lady on the other side of the coin how did you cope and is there light at the end of the tunnel for your relationship?
Why do you want to live that way?
Marco not so long ago i lived my life in just the way you described ...and i don't know how I managed to endure that closed in world of shame guilt fear and a sense of hopelessness and confusion for so long ...I can now look back ..without regret but at the same time from a place of personal dignity and wholeness I never believed possible for me .....this ilness is progressive ..it will take everything you have if you let it and it always gets worse ....and now that you are aware that the there is a solution things will become even more painful....there is a solution!! ....get to an SLAA meeting ...there is a list of them on this site ......a life beyond your wildest dreams is available if you want it!
Joe